Polyamory and Pregnancy

Revised 10/18/16. Not much changed here, though I did update the description of how pregnancy affects me and add the note on terminology at the bottom. Unfortunately, I was not aware of trans issues when I first wrote this series, so I’ll be changing terms as we go. Also some grammar fixes. And I have four kids now. Ironically, these updated posts will be going up Tuesdays, not the Thursdays of the original pregnancy series.

As a mother of three, recently postpartum, I can safely say pregnancy is a major, life-altering, relationship changing, huge-as-the-Mariana Trench deal. Bookstores have entire sections about pregnancy, and magazines are written just for pregnant mothers. We have one entire industry devoted to preventing pregnancy and another to helping people get pregnant.

And I promise, when you are throwing up from morning sickness (or holding your partner’s hair while they throw up) is not the time to deal with relationships gone haywire because you’re not sure who the father is! (Every person is different, and I make no claims to speak for every pregnancy experience. In my case, pregnancies trigger massive depression with all the associated problems. I warn people when I get pregnant that I will be insane for the next 9 months. They never believe me. NOT a good time to try to sort out major life issues whether it’s a relationship problem or a big move.)

That said, pregnancy in polyamory is just too huge for me to discuss in one post or one dozen posts. So, I’m going to try to expand my posting a bit. In addition to Sunday posts, I’ll be posting every Thursday about pregnancy in polyam relationships.

Thursday topics will include:

  • Planning for pregnancy
  • Coping with unexpected pregnancies
  • Contraceptives
  • Prenatal care with multiple partners
  • Birth planning with multiple partners
  • Living arrangements during pregnancy
  • And anything else I can think of that might be relevant, useful, or interesting to a poly relationship dealing with, or preparing to deal with, pregnancy.

Note on terminology: throughout this series, I will refer to people who are pregnant as “mothers” and everyone else as “parents” or “potential parents” regardless of gender. I realize this isn’t a perfect approach, but it’s the best I have at the moment. When I need refer specifically to the people who create a pregnancy, I’ll say “bio parents.” Readers are welcome to suggest alternatives.

Click here for the full list of polyamory and pregnancy blog posts.