The last few years I’ve tried to always have a nonfiction book going. Since I learned that I can handle nonfic in audio way better than one print, I’ve done more nonfic reading in two years than in the prior decade. And I’ve learned a lot along the way.
Today is only the second time I’ve DNF’d one of my nonfic audio reads.
The first book I DNF’d, The Story of Work, was a disappointment, but didn’t bother me. I picked up a couple of really bad errors in the authors discussion of ‘work’ among hunter-gatherers, and it read like he was using those same errors to set up a men’s work vs women’s work dichotomy. I noped out of there, sad for what the book could have been but happy I’d caught potential problems early.
I’m having more feels about my choice to DNF today.
I was/am due for what I think of as my ‘challenge’ reads. Books that I don’t just learn from, but which challenge me to undo ways of thought and grow in often uncomfortable ways. My choice for this read was Black Marxism by Cedric J Robinson.
It is, from the little I read, an absolutely fascinating book.
Unfortunately, it is not a beginners text on the subject.
I have a basic knowledge of communism and Marxism. Partly from a very long ago read of the Communist Manifesto, partly from hanging out around communists, anarchists, and other leftist ideologues the last (mumble) years on the Fediverse. I thought the basic grounding I had would be enough to see me through Black Marxism.
Nope. Very much not so.
Deciding to walk away wasn’t easy. I understood just enough of the text that I could have kept going. It would have been a hell of a slog, especially since audio books make it a lot harder to go back and check an early part of the text and refresh your memory. But I could have done it.
I would burned through a hellish amount of spoons, probably burnt myself out on nonfic reading for a while, and gotten out of the text a fraction of what Robinson meant it to be.
I know because I’ve done this before. Authoring Autism by Melanie Yergeau is a fascinating book. I’m glad I read it. But every time I read a chapter, it felt like I was bruising my brain struggling through the high level concepts on rhetoric and language. Wonderful book, I wish I could recommend it to you.
As much as I know I could learn similar important, world-view changing things from Black Marxism, I know I can’t do that to myself again. I can’t afford to burn myself out on a single book. Not with my health and life circumstances, and not when I could read three or four other ‘challenge’ books which I could fully understand and grow from in the same time and energy Black Marxism would take me.
That doesn’t mean I’m giving up on Black Marxism entirely. There are lots of great 101 books on communism and economics that I can read that will give me a better foundation for coming back to Black Marxism in a year or two. It will be there, in my library, waiting for me.
Until then, there is value in walking away. In choosing the right lesson for the right time.
In taking the time to walk before I try to fly.
