My Families

Since I’m going to be talking about my family a lot more than previously, it’s probably time I actually lay out who-all is in my family.

I know family life is always complicated, but mine is a bit more complicated than most, having two families-of-origin and a sprawling overlap of chosen family/polyamorous network.

My families of origin probably won’t be showing up that often, if only because (due to various kinds of distance) they just aren’t an active part of my life these days. Which is a sad.

Family of Origin 1

My birth family, including father, mother (recent deceased), 5 siblings, an aunt, a grandfather, a sister-in-law, and a sort-of uncle (my mother’s brother-of-choice) who I tend to forget exists half the time. (Sorry!)

Family of Origin 2

My adoptive family, including father (deceased), mother, brother, assorted aunts, uncles, and cousins, and apparently soon a sister-in-law.

Chosen Family/Polyam Network

Several of these folks will be coming up regularly. Especially in relation to generational household and old ‘woman’, but also sometimes also the farm. Often enough and enough detail that I went around and asked a bunch of them if they were okay being talked about and what name I should use for them.

  1. Michael — nesting partner, father of two of my children, my BDSM submissive & pet (24/7). They/them. Patronus is a demon.
  2. Michon — cuilmate, mother of two of my children, co-dom to Michael, head of family. Ze/hir. Patronus is a dragon.
  3. Dilip Numitor Amalia Chetana Waller — father of two of my children, Michon’s live-in co-parent, still figuring out where he fits in our weirdness. He/him. Told me to come up with a pseudonym for him, so I used my favorite random name generator. Now he’s stuck with it.
  4. C — girlfriend, LDR. She/her. Patronus is a cat.
  5. Ericka — Michael’s girlfriend & BDSM submissive, my friend. She/her. Patronus is probably a cat.
  6. B — sister-of-choice, auntie to two of my kids, mother to a kid of her own. She/her

Other folks who will also get mention from time to time:

  • The five kids Tween, Kid 1, Kid 2, Kidling, and Kidlet. For those who have been following the blog a while, none of these were part of the custody battle I was involved in several years ago. Tween is B’s kid. The others are mine by birth or by choice.
  • Michael’s brother-by-choice (J)
  • J’s mom, whose become mom-by-choice to me and Michael (MB)
  • Ericka’s Nana

Generational Home: the gang’s all here

Today we’re talking about another one of those lifetime resolutions — having a generational home. I want to live with as many of my US family as possible. I don’t expect to get everyone under one roof, if only because my girlfriend is more of a loner. But we have… Call it a core group of five of us and our kids who want to all live together. And maybe others in time.

Personally, I’m flexible on the how. One big house, tiny apartment building we own together, cohousing set up, I can work with any of it. Just so we are all together.

We’re already working towards it

I’m really excited that we may be taking some big steps closer to this goal. If all goes well, by this time next year, everyone in that core group will be living in the same locality. Michael’s girlfriend and her grandmother will be moving in May, and the other night my cuilmate told me that hir goal is to move within the year, along with hir coparent and kids. (Coparent wasn’t expecting to move so soon, but is mostly on board.)

In my dreams

Ideally (there’s that word again) this would be more than the five of us. It would be (as the name says) a generational home, including girlfriend’s grandmother and my kid’s adopted grandma, Michael’s brother and Mom, and maybe others. It would continue after us. As we get older and step back,¬†our kids or others we invite to join us will step up and, keep the space going.

Ideally, because modern society strains generational families to the breaking point, which is how we ended up with the cultural ideal of the nuclear family in the first place, but we’ll see.

This goal and the Old ‘Woman’ goal are the two that will consume my life. The others all have places where I can say, yeah, I’ve achieved this and I’m stopping now. These goals will only be finished when I pass on responsibility for them to the next generation. Assuming that day ever comes.