I’d like to say Michon and Dilip Numeor Amelia Chetana Wallar and Kid 2 and Kidlet are settled in now, we’ve found a nice rhythm that works for everyone and it’s all good.

But I try not to lie.

It’s been… god, it’s been.

Don’t get me wrong — having them here has been wonderful and I’m sure we will settle into that rhythm… eventually.

But first we’ve got to get through all the hell that comes from moveing across state lines when A) you are a disabled person and B) you have kids.

For instance, Michon ran out of a critical medication, ze doesn’t have health coverage set up in PA, no PA pharmacy will accept hir Massachusetts’ health coverage, and ze has been pushing hirself to make at least a half dozen phone calls this week to try to get the medication through local support services while waiting for local health coverage to kick in.

And being on the phone is painful for hir at the best of times, which these most definitely aren’t.

But we haven’t yet set up the paperwork to let me or Dilip Numetor Amelia Chetana Waller handle these calls for hir. So it’s the catch 22 of, the longer ze goes without medication, the harder these phone calls are, but the phone calls knock hir down so hard that hir flare ups get even worse and ze needs the medication even more critically and… it’s a massive downward spiral.

So Michael is staying with hir this week to take care of kid 2 and kidlet while Dilip Numetor Amalia Chetana Waller is a work, leaving me alone with kid 1 and kidling (which, isolation fucks with me.  Literally nothing fucks with me more than being isolated and alone. [there’s a reason I’m all gungho about group homes, ya know?] ) And the rhythm we HAD started for kid 1 and kid 2 to have summer lessons and keep them in the habit of doing school each day has been completely destroyed and….

Oy, it’s been a thing.

At the same time, between the four of us, we ARE managing. Some how. Like… any one of the dozen+ things that went wrong t his past month should have put me in shut down and possibly burnout. Instead, I’m… well, I’m not good. I’m exhausted and my function is really bad. But I’m not in constant sensory overload. And even I’m in low function I still have function. And what I’m hearing is we are all kind of in a similar place.

Michon expected to be completely nonfunctional by Wednesday. Instead, ze was able to watch kid 2 and kidlet yesterday so Michael to could stay with me for a day bc of how bad the isolation was hitting me. And everyone has clean clothes. and the dishes are clean because Dilip Numetor Amelia Chetana Waller seems to take a sink full of dishes as a personal challenge. (He actually pouted the other night when he got he and the dishes were all clean. And…

It’s been exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Like riding a surfboard and knowing at any moment you can crack up but always managing to keep that edge of balance that makes the magic happen.

But I am SO fucking exhausted…

Tonight (I’m writing this Friday), we’ll all be staying at Michon’s new place. That’s the one part of our hoped-for ‘normal’ routine we’ve managed to nail down. Every weekend we spend together. Friday evening is erev Shabbat and we light the candles and Kid 1 and I sing the prayers (and others if they want to join in) and we have story time and shabbat treats together.

In the morning, Dilip Numetor Amelia Chetana Waller and I get some time out in the woods. Ideally we want to be hiking more weeks, but if I’m not feeling up to it we take a walking path. Saturday afternoon is for grown up gaming. We’ve got Werewolf and BESM games going depending how who from the extended fam is present any given week. While we play, the kids all get kicked outside to run around and play and get some exercise. In theory Saturday night is quiet. A restful time to hang out together and relax. With four kids, the emphasis there is ‘in theory.’

Midday Sunday is the chance for the older kids to have some guaranteed adult time. They usually ask to play Magic, sometimes Carcassonne or other game. Sunday evening is food shopping for the week. Which ever two of us adults are feeling up to it hits the grocery stores and stocks up on everything we expect to need.

It isn’t perfect. For instance, we discovered this past weekend that one Michon’s perferred self care things is actively painful to me and I can’t be in the room while ze is doing it. And I swear if it would do any good we’d stage an intervention on Dilip Numetop Amalia Chetana Waller’s ass. He keeps insiting that he doesn’t need anything, he’s good, no he doesn’t need a break, it’s okay if he works himself into exhaution, he’s the healthy one among us so he has to….  “D.,” I want to say, “You won’t STAY the healthy one if you don’t take care of yourself!”

Unfortunately, we’ve all tried it and while he gives lip service to the idea, he had a great deal of trouble putting it into practice.

But, in spite of the exhaution and the many many many problems and the need to (somehow) get Dilip Numetor Amalia Chetana Waller to see sense… It’s working.

It’s working well enough that I decided to take a risk on adding someone new to my plate. For over 5 years my focus has been on having LESS to do. The idea of adding anything new to my to-do list was enough to bring on panic attacks.

But for nearly 10 years, I’ve toyed with the idea of doing a webcomic. I’d get hit with an idea for one, want to do it so bad, accept that I had neither the skills nor the time to learn the skills, and give it up. Only to be ambushed by another idea a few years later.

I’m going to schedule in a couple hours art practice a week.  With how well we’ve all held up the past month, I think that will be doable. In six months I’ll take a look at my progress and see where I’m at.

I actually saved the strips from my first attempt at a webcomic.

I Should Be Promoting my Book, but…

You may have noticed I haven’t been around much this month — either here, on Patreon, or on social media.

That’s because the most amazing awful thing happened and I am still reveling in it.

Amazing awful?

Yup. See, it’s kinda awful for someone when they are supposed to move into a new apartment and learn at the last minute that the electric can’t be turned on. The landlord didn’t arrange an inspection before you signed the lease. (Being fair, he had it inspected before he put it up for rental, just it sat too long with the electric off and needed to be reinspected.)

But when the result of this bit of awful is that your formerly LDR partners who you haven’t seen in nearly 2 years get to stay with you for over a week while everything gets sorted out… that’s pretty amazing.

It hasn’t been easy — nothing that involves multiple autistic people and unexpected change is ever easy. And it really messed up A’s visit with Michael two weekends ago. (Two weekends! We thought they’d be here 2 days, maybe a bit longer. AHHHH!!!!)

It’s been way way way too much, and absolutely amazing. Also, renewed confirmation of our belief that our living together will work really well when we can afford/find the right place. Even with fighting with utilities, multiple car breakdowns, some family news breaking Michael for a few days, and… Oh, so much more craziness that normally would send me and Michael or Michon or Dilip Numitor Amalia Chetana Waller spiraling down into complete nonfunctional mess. But we are all doing better than we would without all that horrible shit.

Group living isn’t for everyone, but somehow, for us four autistic introverts, nothing is better.

I haven’t written anything about my Generational Household goal in a while. Not since last February when we THOUGHT we had a farm. That fell through — the farmhouse needed too much work and wouldn’t be in move-in condition before we’d need to move given lease end dates and all. So we had to say no. And I’ve kinda been avoiding the whole topic because losing that chance hurt. It was a beautiful place and the landlords/sellers were people I thought we could work with.

But I’ve long collected sayings and quotes about resilience:

Fall down seven times, get up eight / …fall seven times and rise again

The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred with sweat and dust and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again

If you fail the first time then you’ll just have to try harder the second time.

You may tread me in the very dirt

But still, like dust, I’ll rise.

You get the idea. (And if you don’t know where these come from, give a google and see what you find!)

We are now living within 15 minutes of each other (instead of hours!). Or, well, we will be once they get moved in. Right now, we are living on top of each other. (Electric finally got turned on Friday. Once the car is fixed (again…) Dilip Numetor Chetana Waller will get finished moving everything in. They’ll probably be settled by the end of the week.)

He thinks he’ll be able to save enough from his new job here for us to start looking for a place we can all live together by this time next year. I think he’s being optimistic, but I can easily see it within two years.

In the meantime, we’ll be spending every weekend together and seeing each other most weekdays. (The older kids will be in cyber school together and will be doing their school work together.)

(My blogging platform is yelling at me about this not being ‘readable’ because I haven’t used headings. I’m finding I like these breaks a lot better.)

Next week, I might delve a bit into how-to-polyamory territory, discussing how we are making this work, ways we have failed at making this work, and what other folks can learn from our experience. Because it hasn’t all been smooth sailing. But it’s still been awesome.

Obligatory new book plug:

Polyamory and Kink is coming out on Friday. Pre-order now with your preferred online retailer.

We Haz Farm!

Or, okay we will haz farm.

But, like, soon.

If you’ve been following along, you know that my polyam/chosen fam has been hoping to A) get a place big enough for all of us to live together and B) get such a place on enough acreage to get a small farm going. But our projected timeline was to have finances sorted out enough to start looking for a place sometime 4 or 5 years from now.

In late January, an acquaintance on the Fediverse approached me and asked if we’d talked about the farm he was trying to sell.

We hadn’t. I know about the farm, and had made sad noises over how there was no way we could get a mortgage yet, and moved on. Turns out, he and his fam are willing to offer rent-to-own while we build up our credit and such, and possibly an owner-financed mortgage depending on how things work out. And it’s in our budget.

We’ve been hashing things out, he and I and his wife (mostly I and his wife, actually), and last week Michael, Dilip Numetor Amelia Chetana Waller, and I went to see this farm and check out the surrounding area.

The place needs some repairs, which owners are willing to do before we move in. Works out because it is better for us to move over the summer, when the kids are out of school.

At this point, we have a verbal agreement, but paperwork still needs to be signed and a few details hashed out. So things may still fall through, but we and the owners are moving forward on the basis that we have an agreement and we will be moving in sometime this summer.

Is much ecstatic-ness and squee-ing and ‘who gets which bedroom!!!’

All our plans are completely disrupted, of course. But in the best way possible.

The one sad is that Ericka won’t be coming with us. Literally a handful of days before the current owner approached me, she told us she had decided to go back to Texas. But she will be welcome to visit us and who knows what the future will bring?

Brief Updates on Lots of Stuff

It’s been a overwhelming month. Lots of stuff, both good and bad. Here’s the round up of what’s been going on with my various life goals.

My Bookshelf: I’ve started getting back responses from beta readers for Polyamory and Kink. As usual, the folks doing beta reads have some great comments and suggestions and pin pointed some areas I missed.

Old ‘Woman’: I’ve made some real progress in reliable self care. The 99 Coping Skills list is an awesome you should check out if you need self care ideas. I’m also doing better at staying in touch with family and friends and making progress on compiling my to-read list instead of just having a pile of books in various places. Also… last week was the anniversary of my mother’s death. Lots of thoughts, probably make a blog post next week.

Generational Home: There may be some very big news on this in the next few months. Dilip Numetor Amelia Chetana Waller, Michael and I will be going on a trip the end of February, and if all goes well our plans for living together will jump ahead several years.

The Farm: See above paragraph. If the February trip goes well, I’ll share some details when we get back. My indoor gardening is on hold until we know for sure what’s happening.

Cuil Press: Once Upon a Green Rose is out on Amazon, and for the first time we enroleld a book in Kindle Unlimited. We really don’t like the whole walled-garden thing Amazon has going, but we also want to make our books accessible and, you know, at least break even. So we’re experimenting. Green Rose will be in KU for 2 enrollment periods, then we’ll pull it and put it up on other booksellers.

As always, drafts of my books are available on Patreon.

So if you want to read Polyamory and Kink before next summer, become a Patron.

Shabbat Story Time — Generational Home

Sometime in December, I decided it was time to start doing a regular storytime with my kids again. But I knew I didn’t have the spoons to do a nightly storytime. So instead, I started Shabbat story time.

At 7:30pm on Shabbat, Kid 1 and Kidling and I would gather on the couch with a couple of story books and I’d read to them. After the first week, I decided that I wanted to have a chapter book that we read some each week, in addition to the short stories the kids picked out.

So I pulled out Pratchett’s Wee Free Men and began introducing the kids to Tiffany Aching, Second Thoughts, Granny Aching, and the Nac MacFeegle.

The Blessing of Modern Technology

After the Shabbat candles comes Shabbat story time.

In spite of the long distance, Michon and I have always been able to maintain a close relationship. And since we met him, Dilip Numetor Amelia Chetana Waller and I have mostly done the same. But building relationships and family with kids long distance is a challenge of monumental proportions.

Sure, Michon and Kid 2 and Kidlet will (hopefully!) be moving down here over the summer. But however well the Kid 2 and Kidlet connected with me and Michael a year ago, without a car we haven’t been able to visit since last winter, and a year is a long time for kids.

But they remember us (and Kid 1 and Kidling remember and ask after both the other kids and Michon.) I wanted a way to keep all the kids connected to each other and the long distance adults in the family. It occurred to me that Shabbat story time might be the perfect opportunity.

Granted, it meant breaking my observance of being offline for Shabbat, but it is also a mitzvah to spend Shabbat with family. So…

Now at around 7:15 every Shabbat evening, I make sure that the sound input on my computer is set to headset, but the output is set to the speakers. Then I call on Michon on Discord and Kid 2 gets to pick one of three stories from the Standing on One Foot collection. (We’re almost done with that collection. I’m thinking Aesop’s Fables next.)

Sadly, we don’t have a way for Kidlet to pick out stories for me to read. He’s just not verbal enough for me to read off a selection to him and let him pick out a story. But he can listen, at least.

Then I read three or four short stories and a chapter from Wee Free Men. Well, usually a chapter. Last week the chapter was twice as long as usual and we had tech issues, so we stopped halfway through the chapter to continue next week.

Looking to Shabbats Future (and Future)

Michon and I have talked about how we can continue this evenings once they move down here. We’d already been talking about my household going to stay with them every weekend (leases allowing) once they move down here. So we’ll be able to continue Shabbat story time in person, instead of over the internet.

When we do, it won’t be just me reading. I’ve talked before about the role of traditions in keeping a family together across generations. Shabbat story time has all the ingredients for a good traditions. It’s not dependent on any specific person or people — anyone can listen and anyone can read (or tell stories that aren’t in books!) It makes people feel good. It’s easy for people to take part in (just show up! [or call in!]). And it can be adapted to new situations (move it to a new place, switch languages, move from reading to reciting, many options!). It’s all-ages friendly if you pick the right stories.

So, in the near future, we’ll continue this new tradition in person. And we’ll start adding in other readers, so story time doesn’t get intrinsically tied to me being the reader. If it continues to work as well in person as it has so far, then we’ll have a solid start on a new tradition. One that I, at least, can easily see myself enjoying for the rest of my life.

This post is part of the Generational Home topic.

If you are interested in fiction about chosen family and creating a generational home, check out my Patreon.

When Relationships Evolve

Michael and I had a difficult conversation yesterday, but one that’s been too long coming. See, when we were focused on survival and learning to cope with various medical stuff, and caring for kids, and, and, and… our relationship changed. Honestly, it changed in a way neither of us ever wanted.

The best words I have for it (and this still isn’t quite right, but it’s what I got) is somewhere along the line we stopped being friends.

Wait, What?

A big part of the problem is that we’ve grown in different directions in terms of the things we enjoy doing. So it’s hard to find things to do together when we do have time. Part of the problem is that between health problems and low spoons, we are often simply unable to spend that time together.

And that causes another problem. Because we aren’t spending much time together in a positive way, a high number of our interactions are when we’re stressed and trying to get stuff done. So I don’t see as much of Michael’s humor, but I see a lot of her bitterness and anger. Michael doesn’t see a lot of whatever positives she sees in me, but does see a lot of my jadedness and no-spoons-to-give-a-fuck. And that’s not a recipe for maintaining a friendship.

A last problem has, thankfully, finally been solved by time. The kids are old enough we can tell them ‘Entertain yourselves for an hour/stay in bed and don’t bother us except for emergencies, we’re having parent time.’

And, that’s a hard thing. It’s always hard with a friendship ends.

What’s different here is that our relationship isn’t based on in friendship anymore. It started that way, but it’s grown a lot in the past ten years.

We love each other.
We care for each other.
We are nesting partners.
We are co-parents.
We are each other’s main support and help.
We are life partners with shared goals and dreams we are working towards together.

Don’t get me wrong. Realizing that we’ve lost that friendship hurts. And I’m grieving it.

But the end of one part of our relationship don’t mean our relationship has to end. Doesn’t even mean our relationship is unhealthy or bad for us.

It just means our relationship went in a direction neither of us expected or wanted.

Where Do We Go From Here?

Michael believes that we can rebuild our friendship. If we make an effort to spend time together, if we make more time for each other, etc etc.

I’m doubtful. More than once over recent years we’ve said, ‘You know, we need to spend more time together.’ ‘We really should start doing date nights again.’ ‘We aren’t spending emough time together…’ And we’ll try for a while, but it never lasts.

And of course, what time and spoons we can get, we always have a dozen uses for. What time we’ve gotten to ourselves has gone more towards the physical side of our relationship, be it sex and/or cuddles. Which, really, we need more. We have other friends we can get friendship-type needs met with. But neither of us really have anyone else we can turn to on a regular basis for sex and cuddles are hit-and-miss.

So I’m not sure I want to try and ‘fix’ this. It seems like an exercise in frustration that will make it harder to get other needs met.

Where do we go from here? I think we accept that relationships aren’t domesticated. They are wild things that grow naturally in directions we don’t expect. We go forward from here, enjoying what we had, and, yes, being sad for what we lost. But also remembering that in any healthy relationship, growth is constant. Maybe once the kids are older and more of are family are in the area so we have more support, we’ll have more time and spoons to spend together. Or maybe we’ll become a queer version of the crotchty old couple who are constantly fighting and seem to hate each other but god help you if you come between them or cause trouble for one of them. Or maybe we’ll grow further apart (hopefully not, but it does happen).

I’ve learned the hard way that I’m shit at predicting the future, including the future of relationships. So… we’ll see what happens. But given everything else we’ve been through, I expect we’ll still be together, and still be glad to be together, in another 10 years.

One way or another.

(After some thought, I’m tagging this Polyamory on Purpose because even though I’m not actively advice-blogging anymore, I’ve known a lot of folks who could learn from this.)

Tradition is The Support Frame — Generational Home

Last week I spent a while talking about how economic stability is the foundation of a family, and for a family that will hold together through the generations, this usually means a family business to provide that stability.

The caveat, that I didn’t mention last week is that this assumes the family business is successful. Obviously, and unsuccessful family business (like the one my grandfather tried to start) won’t provide any financial stability. And my grandfather’s business did fall prey to what may be the most common danger a family business can face — heirs who couldn’t keep the business running.

But that’s not what we’re going to talk about today. Because really, what our heirs in this generation do is out of our hands. Never mind all the future generations.

No, today we are talking about something different. If economic stability is the foundation of the family, then…

Tradition Forms the Support Structure

I know for a lot of folks these days ‘tradition’ and ‘traditional’ are dirty words. And there’s good reason for that, given the way claims of ‘tradition’ have been used to attack or exclude many of us in recent decades.

But tradition is like a knife. It is first and foremost a tool to help people.

Tradition is what creates culture. And this is true whether we are talking about a family, a religion, a fandom, or a country. Culture is critical to the survival of any social instutition. Culture creates a sense of belonging. Culture is also what creates non-economic value. My words are failing, but hopefully you get what i mean. There is value to art forms, sports, holidays, etc, that is completely separate from whether or not someone has managed to commercialize them. That those things are all part of culture.

Why do we play baseball and (American) football in the US, but soccer is the big game in the UK? Culture.

Why different cuisines in New Orleans and Maine? Culture.

Why Mardi Gras in New Orleans and Thanksgiving Day parade in NYC? Culture.

Culture, which is created by tradition. After all, Maine and New Orleans both have seafood heavy diets, there’s no practical reason why their cuisine would be so different today. But they each developed separate traditions based on the available spices, needs of the people living there, and ideas brought in from other cultures. Those traditions became embedded in the cultures of those regions and they continue today.

Evolution vs Creation

Of course those traditions (and cultures) evolved naturally over time. No one set out to create them.

A family can evolve traditions as well. But bringing multiple people who have different backgrounds and personal and/or family traditions from other families can easily cause conflict. So I prefer to intentionally create our traditions.

For instance, there are some holidays that I really want to be part of our traditions. So I put together a short write up on what those holidays are, why they are meaningful for me, and why I think they can be meaningful for everyone in our household even though most of them are Jewish holy days and only I and Michael are/will be converting to Judaism.

And I asked everyone else to share if they have any holidays that want to make part of our family traditions. The risk here was that we would end up with too many holidays to feasibly observe. Everyone agreed with my holiday suggestions, and only one other holiday was put forth. Halloween.

So, yeah. Fall is going to be an… ah… interesting, not to say intense season in our home. What with Rosh haShana, Sukkot, and Halloween back to back (or sometimes overlapping).

Of course, there are more to family traditions than holidays. But holidays are a good place to start. Especially since we can (sometimes) share them now, while we work up to being able to live together.

Hey, I’m writing a fantasy story with a group of folks building a generational family.

Get early access by becoming a Patron.

The Foundation of the Family — Generational Home

It’s one thing to say that I want to build a generational home, a family that will develop its own existence beyond my lifetime.
It’s another thing to make it happen.

To Build Anything, You Need a Foundation

Social and economic pressures in the US are actually working against family as a lasting social structure. That’s something most of those folks decrying the ‘death’ of the nuclear family aren’t getting. This isn’t some moral failing or rejection of good-old-family values. It’s a rational response to the world we live in.

Nothing has a stronger impact on culture than economics. Even religion must bow to the basic necessity of putting food on the table.
But that, ironically, also explains how some families have managed to maintain coherence across generations.

I used to wonder how you could have business or farms that had been held by one family for decades or even centuries. It was only when I learned about the impact of economics on culture that I began to understand. A successful family business protects the family unit from economic disruption. After all, if Dad has a company you’ve been trained to take over, whether it’s a corner store or a Fortune 500 company, you don’t need to move across the country to find a job.

A family business provides a foundation for a family to last through the generations.

We Don’t Have One — Yet

For our family that will be the farm. If we are successful with it, then our heirs will have at least two cushions against economic disruption:

1) They will have land that they own. That means a home, shelter, a place to live. As long as they can keep the tax payments up they will always have a place to live. (Admittedly, tax payments have driven many people out of their family homes. But fewer people than rent or mortgage!)

2) If they keep the farm going (which will, of course, be out of my hands once we pass it on to said heirs), they will always have food to put on the table.

Those are powerful things to pass on to those who come after us.

We Aren’t a Traditional Family

Two major differences we have from a traditional family business come from our basis in polyamory. First, and most, this is a group enterprise. Second is our nature as a chosen family. While these bring challenges, probably including challenges we haven’t yet recognized, they also reduce challenges faced by traditional family businesses.

I’m still working through a lot of it. And I’m mostly working it through on my own. I do need to talk all this through with the rest of the family, but, hell, we are years away from getting the farm and none of us have the energy to spare right now. I happen to be one of those folks who obsessively plans for all possible futures. Partly a level of anxiety/paranoia. Partly because as an autistic person, the more I plan and prepare for the future, the less the changes the future brings fuck with my head.

Tradition and Freedom

That said, a big advantage this household will have is that as a group, there isn’t pressure for any individual to take up the family business. Only two or three people in each generation are needed to keep the farm going. Other members of the family who don’t want to take up the farm will be able to pursue their own life goals and bring in money from other careers. Basically, it’s kind of best-of-both-worlds. The food security of a family farm and the economic security of literally anything other than farming. Because, yeah, the economic prospects of farming in the modern world suck. Trust me, we’re not going into this blind.

Communal Isn’t a Bad Word

The most economically successful small-farming approach historically has been communal farms where a whole village works together. Why: simple. Farming is labor-intensive, and economies of scale apply to labor too. 10 people working together on 10 acres can do more than 10 people each working 1 acres. And our household being a family group means that extra labor will be available for labor-intensive work. Sure, no one wants to put an hour or two into harvesting before or after working an 8 hour day at the construction site or office. But for family (and food over the winter) people will do that kind of thing. And having those extra hands available makes a big difference. (In theory. I think. Yes, I’m making this up as I go along.)

Economy Over All

So, yeah. This probably isn’t what folks were expecting out of this post, but this is reality. The foundation of any human endeavor is economic. Which is another way of saying how will this be maintained. Either money, labor, or both are required to build anything lasting. And not paid once, but continuously. For social constructs (which is what any family is), the critical maintenance is food on the table and a roof to shelter under. This is true whether that food is scavenged from dumpsters or served on gold plates. Whether the roof is a cardboard box or a palace. If the food and shelter aren’t there or aren’t adequate, people who can will leave to find them.

I don’t need the gold plates or palace. But so long as I have any say in the matter, I’ll be damned if any of my family is food insecure or homeless again.

Be Careful What You Ask For…

So, Ericka and Nana are settled in, mostly, and plans are apace for Michon, Dilip Numetor Amalia Chetana Waller, and associate kids, to move to the area before school starts. (Possibly later for Michon bc awesome jobs is awesome.)

Rewind a Bit

Anyway, while helping Ericka move, Dilip Numetor Amelia Chetana Waller* told me he was worried his tendency towards impulse spending would screw up plans over the summer. (Or words to that effect, anyway.)

Being the dirty minded kinky dom that I am, I’ve occasionally (ahem) entertained thoughts of Dilip Numetor Amalia Chetana Waller as a sub. My sub, to be specific. I haven’t said anything to him about these entertaining thoughts because the poor guy has enough on his plate adjusting to polyamory and how radically his family changed while he was out of the picture. Throwing kink on top of it seemed a bit much.

Plus, he hasn’t given any indication that he is interested in any kind of relationship with me, much less that kind of relationship. Or any indication that he is kinky at all.

Anyway, it did, um, occur to me that if he was my sub and agreed to findom than I would control the money and overspending or impulse spending wouldn’t be as much of an issue.

I took a minute to enjoy the idea and set it aside as ridiculous. Both for the above mentioned reasons and because findom has never really appealed to me.

Fast Forward to Now

Tonight, I gave Dilip Numetor Amalia Chetana Waller a quick call to check on progress before I (again) became completely nonverbal. (It’s been a bad week in general and a really bad week for communication.) He caught on pretty quickly about how badly I’ve been doing and at some point, after something he said made me giggle, commented on the goodness of being able to laugh.

Conversation continues, finding work in the area, apartment hunting, and the money stuff that comes up reminds me of those findom thoughts. Figuring we could have a good laugh over the absurdity together, I say, “On the subject of making me laugh, here’s a weird thought I had…” and I tell him.

And he takes it seriously!

Didn’t. Even. Realize. I was joking.

He counter-offered that he’s control the money at first, but if he screwed up — the first time he screwed up, I could take over. Even said I could monitor his budget and spending from the beginning so I’d know if he screwed up…

What the hell is a dom to do when someone she’s been having hungry thoughts about offers himself wrapped up in a bow?

I told him, “Okay, that would work, but, um, I was joking you know.” (As you know, because I spoilered, he didn’t.)

So… over the weekend (that would be the weekend before this post goes live, I’m writing this post early, as I prefer to) we’re going to have a talk about what findom is, what it involves, and why jumping in before he fully understands what he’s getting into might be a bad idea.

And I’m… still trying to pick my jaw up off the floor.

Is it too bad of me to hope that this may be a foot in the door for a broader D/s relationship?

*Yes, I am writing that name out, in full, every time. I almost never let myself be petty. But I’m making an exception this time.

Season of Moves

The next few months are going to be crazy, but I think worth it.

Ericka and her Nana will be moving up here late May. We found a mostly-wheelchair accessible place. A friend of Bea’s is building a ramp up to the door (with landlord’s full support).

Then, if things go according to plan, Dilip Numitor Amalia Chetana Waller will be moving to the area in June. He’ll be looking for a job and apartment for him, Michon, Kid 2 and Kidlet to move into later this summer.

So if all goes well, we’ll have most of our fam all in the same area before school starts next fall.

Of course, all this is on top of normal life stuff, end of school year rush for Kids 1 & 2, various health issues, Michael being deep in NRE for new relationships, Michon having con-thing and exciting short-term gig…

So yeah, crazy couple months.

But Worth It!

Luckily, Ericka and grandma’s move got pushed back. It was originally planned for the end of April. Which, in addition to being right after Pesach, would have been way to close to some health issues and MORE life stresses to have gone well. (As evidence of how bad this might have been, I didn’t get a post up last week for the first time since re-starting this blog.)

When it’s done, all of us will have a larger *local* support network, much more access to physical intimacy, and (if I have my way!) regular family dinners. The kids will all have more adults involved in their lives on a regular basis as well as being able to spend more time with each other doing kid things. And the folks moving into the area will have access to the surprisingly decent resources for poor and disabled folks in this area.

Last but not least, we will all be better positioned to start working towards having a place where we can all live together. Our (hopefully) generational home.